In today's comic: "International House of Bullcrap", I not only made fun of the insanity of "holy manifestation", but also referenced an older program called "The Carol Burnett Show". It's quite surprising how few people in my generation remember this one, and it's quite a shame. This program was made back when variety shows were actually funny. The improv work of Harvey Korman and Tim Conway were top-notch and it was actually entertaining in that "I don't want to take a bath with an electrical toaster after watching this show" sort of way. See, we don't have anything like that anymore. No, instead we get shit like Saturday Night Live and MadTV. While I will have to admit that I enjoy MadTV more than SNL, it's the equivalent of saying that I'd rather freeze to death and suffer the sleepy demise of hypothermia, rather than burning alive under the hot sun in the desert. Watching an episode of SNL these days is like watching a corpse of a former great star being manipulated on stage by a retarded puppetmaster who had too many people tell him that he was funny. You know, like those Dirt Devil commercials with Fred Astaire dancing post-mortem in the most shameful display of marketing ever conceived. Saturday Night Live sustains itself on nostalgia for the time that it used to be amusing. It was the time back in the days when we had the first George Bush in office, back when the show didn't have the luxury on riding the success of the past, puttering across the finish line. MadTV at least has the balls to be edgy without being completely stupid. (Note the use of the word "completely".)

Let me ask this question: Has Jimmy Fallon ever been funny? Seriously, Family Guy really pegged him well in that episode a couple weeks ago. When you're acting on a TV show, or in a movie, DON'T LOOK AT THE FUCKING CAMERA, YOU RETARD! And don't laugh at your own goddamn jokes, it makes you look like a tool. It's nice to know he moved on to the next level of most post-SNL actors: failing at a serious acting career in Hollywood. If "Taxi" is any indication of his abilities to choose a script and act it out, I'm pretty sure he'll be running back to the "small pond" mediocrity of the SNL stage very soon.

What the hell has happened to "Weekend Update"? Come on, Norm and Colin did better jobs than the current shit we see now. If I wanted to see someone mock the current news, I'd watch The Daily Show, where it's funny, insightful, and current. Guys, you get a whole week to write a joke. Don't you think that with a whole week you could do a better job than John Stewart, who only gets less than a day and still manages to be hilarious? Seriously, Penny Arcade is more current that you guys, and they only cover video games.

Didn't Saturday night used to be a great night for television? Now I find myself wasting my time on Cartoon Network with their anime bullshit, or Comedy Central, or Nicktoons Network where I can map out specifically where Nickelodeon became the depressing, empty husk of a network that it is today. Even better, I can always switch over to Court TV and watch people get murdered for an entire evening.

I guess all I can say is this. Please, Mrs. Burnett. Please come back to television. We miss you. We miss you and Harvey Korman and Tim Conway and Vicki Lawrence and all the other people my generation can't be bothered to remember. I'd even welcome you guys back if you were potatoes.